if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
