She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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