I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
