Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
