My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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