i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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