the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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