how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
