Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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