Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
