so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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