everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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