So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
