Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
