I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
