i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
