there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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