Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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