dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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