OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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