so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
