I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
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