Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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