Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
