God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
