Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
