I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
