The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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