Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
