It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
