girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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