Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
