Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Text me some of your sweat
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
