I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
