if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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