a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Pants are for mortals
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
