I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
