he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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