Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
COCAINE IS GR8
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
