she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
