How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
