Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
