Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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