And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
