party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
