batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
