Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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