I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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