conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
