You smell like stripper and shame
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
